April 2005 Tournament Results:

Gentlemen,

I really gotta start getting these results out in a timely fashion cuz the old brain is losing its recall ability. But that’s OK. What I don’t remember, I’ll make up. You’ll never know.

We’ll start off by thanking our sponsors.

Thank you to fellow member, Andres Marquez, for the two $25.00 gift certificates for breakfast at the Links Grill* for our closest-to-the-pin prizes. And remember, print out your KBMGA handicap card at the pro shop and when you present it to the Links*, you’ll receive a 10% discount on your entire party’s order. Beer included. (Note to Andres: Sorry for not having your logo on this newsletter page. See paragraph one, above).

Thanks to fellow member, Luigi Buraschi, for his five deluxe car washes at the Texaco on Coral Way and 16th ave for the longest drive prize. And, thanks to fellow member, Roberto Cavalcanti, for just being a nice guy and giving out some discount coupons for the Mendoza restaurant.

We graciously accept all gifts and bribes, er, rather, prizes.

We would like to welcome new member, Michael Jo, who, if he wants to, can borrow a last name from fellow member, Patrick Simpson-Jones.

We welcome back our old friend Joe Corderi, who, after a recent divorce, can finally afford to play again. And it was good to see Col. Joe Underwood, Robert Wright and Mariano Torres-Garcia (who, along with Gabriel Sanchez-Zinny, is also offering a last name to Michael) back in the field. (Note to Michael: I’d take one of those names if I was you, cuz the next one in line is Michael Rafalowicz, and we don’t need two of those!

We’d like to bid farewell to snowbirds Alan Goldberg and Ron Weinstein who return to Connecticut and Nuevo York respectively for the summer months. And not a minute too soon, if you ask me. They’ve both been winning too much recently. (Editor’s note: We’ll pay either of you to take Marvin Marcus with you.) (Note to Alan: When you see Danny, shove him my regards). Note to all: Mr. Goldberg, we have to call him that after he turned, well, I won’t tell you how old he just became, but he is celebrating what he refers to as, “the year of the lick”.

Now, on to my usual ramblings.

We were being kind of rushed during the tournament due to the fact that Gov. Jeb Bush was playing in one of the two foursomes behind us. Now, I’m told I can’t talk about religion or politics, so you don’t want to know the message I gave the ranger to deliver to the Gov. when he told me about this. Suffice it to say it wasn’t, “play through”. (But it kinda rhymed).

Now, on to the important stuff.

Two natural eagles were recorded on the day. Roger Huxman with a three on the 18th, and Luigi Buraschi with a deuce (net one) on number 11. The #1 handicap hole. This, mind you, came right after he took a ten on the 10th hole.

This month’s format was Tournament Nassau and I had the pleasure of playing with Luigi “Mr. Consistency” Buraschi, Vince “my game is really close” Levito, and Ken “is that a presidential drop?” Forsyth. (Editor’s note: It seems that there is now an official drop area on the first fairway. El Prez zipped right by it and dropped, like he usually does, at the end of the fairway. Just thought we’d mention it for future reference.)

Prizes were awarded for low gross 18 hole score, low net score on the front 9, low net on the back 9 and low net for the 18 holes.

May I have the envelope, please …

First place, Low gross went to Roger Huxman who fired a 76 on the day, beating out tournament director, J.R. Diaz by one stroke.

Low net, front nine score went to Bill O’Brien, with a 34 beating out tournament director, J.R. Diaz by one stroke. (True).

Bill must need the money for bus fare as he called our treasurer, Tom Halley, a dozen or so times asking about the check. (Editor’s note: Tom usually takes the tournament money, heads to the Bahamas to try and parley it into a fortune and comes home empty handed. Thus, the delay in processing the winnings. Just thought we’d mention it for future reference.)

Low net, back nine score went to Tony DeNigro with a 37, beating out (let’s all say it together) tournament director, J.R. Diaz by one stroke. Needless to say, J.R. was not a happy camper. He was last seen on the driving range begging Kevin Perkins to shave 1 ½ strokes off his game.

Low net, 18 hole score went to Ron Weinstein who had a 65 on the day. The handicap committee will be keeping an eye on this 7-under-par, 20-handicapper. Ya know, Ron, I hear that New York is beautiful in the winter, too! No need to rush back.

Closest-to-the-pin honors went to:

Hole 6: Albert Switzer (real name).

Hole 12: After lengthy discussions, it was ruled that my ball was not on the putting surface (which it was) and therefore could not be deemed the winner (which it was). But, being the nice guy that I am, I acquiesced and gave the prize (breakfast at the Links*) to Neil Christiansen. Neil, being the nice guy he is, treated me to the breakfast the following week when we got together for a round.

Long drive prize went to Roger Huxman who happened to be one of the cry babies er, rather, members who contested my prize. Note to Roger: Since Neil was nice enough to share his prize; I’m taking half of your prize, too. You owe me 2 ½ car washes. Also, please read page 13 of the rule book for the definition of the “putting green” and keep in mind that I am the “committee”.

Congratulations to all our winners for some fine play, indeed. (You too, J.R.)

I think that’s it for now. Oh, wait … we have to give out our monthly award. As an aside, I’m giving this month’s “Ray & Ray” award to Jay Flynn, who fired a nice 41 on the front and a smooth 51 on the back.

However, most importantly, this month’s newly created yet highly coveted, “Marjorie Stoneman Douglas” award goes to me, El Prez himself, as I was in every natural habitat Florida has to offer. I felt like “Swamp Thing” playing out there. I was in the water and mangroves off of the first tee and continued that trend right down to the 18th and every hole in between. Twigs were hanging out of my hair. Muck on my shoes. Ask me about drop areas. I know them all. Oh, and NEVER let David Freedman give you a lesson. (Just thought I mention it for future reference.)

In closing, I will post all tournament scores into the GHIN computer following the tourneys. This way, I’ll know that those scores have been adjusted for Equitable Stroke Control under tournament conditions and if we need to modify a handicap we’ll use the tournament scores to do it.

That’s all. That’s enough. I’ve exceeded my self-imposed 1,000 word limit. By a lot. I need a beer.

Sincerely,

Bill Hayes
El Presidente Cervecero

* Official sponsor of the KBMGA