May 2005 Tournament Results:

Gentlemen,

There are no pictures of our May tournament.  So, you are getting recycled pics from the April tourney.  I do this for sponsor recognition.

Seems our web master, Guillermo Wolf, was down with the flu and our staff photographer, Bob Alt, was on hillbilly duty deep in the woods of Alabama, or Arkansas or someplace that no matter where you are, you can hear banjo music from the trees.

Speaking of sponsors, we would like to thank the Links Restaurant for their two, $25.00 gift certificates for breakfast and the Texaco station on 16th Ave and Coral Way for the 5 deluxe car washes for our closest-to-the-pin and long drive winners.  We are always looking for sponsors for our tournaments and welcome anyone’s help in securing some for us.

We would also like to take this opportunity to welcome new members Michael Myles and Hernan Rodriguez  (that’s right, Hernan), and a special KBMGA welcome (sounds like the Mickey Mouse Club, doesn’t it?) to new sports editor of the Islander News, Steve Earl (no relation to Jim Irl, James Earl Jones or the Earl of Cornwall), who foolishly, er, rather, graciously agreed to include our tourney results in his award winning publication.  (Editor’s note:  O.k., enough sucking up, Prez.  It’s his job.  Just get your results out on time now, will ya!)

This month’s tournament (I know it’s June and the tournament was in May, but if you’re reading this on our web site, it looks like I typed this right after the tourney), was played using the Calloway format.  Under this format, the highest hole scores are tossed out based on your total gross score.

But first, the obligatory bashing of my fellow foursome members:  (which is why nobody wants to play with me).  (Editors note:  that was a true statement).

My playing partners were, Phil “Phrom Phenway” Josephson, Patrick “Fuller brush man” Simpson-Jones and Bobby “Blue Balls” Gusman.  I’ll explain …

See, Phil lives here but works in Boston, which makes for a perfect marriage.  Patrick uses a shoe brush, or hair brush, or some kinda brush as a tee, and Bobby, … well, after a few less-than-stellar holes, Bobby reaches into his bag and pulls out this iridescent, blue hued, toxic looking thing and proceeds to go par, birdie, par, par, par, par, par … so “blue balls” just seemed to fit, cuz when he lost the ball he went bogey, bogey, bogey, bogey.

And speaking of Bobby, (Editor’s note:  the following is a true story) …

We’re on about the 6th or 7th hole and he turns to me and says, “Hey Prez … this is great!  I’d pay a premium to play with you!”.  Now, I’m thinking to myself, (as is everyone in the foursome), “Man, nobody’s EVER said that to me” and before I could get the words out, he says, “This starting off the first tee is great!”

So much for good friends.

And (finally) the winners were: 

First Place, Low Gross:  You know how everyone hates Roger Huxman (or is it just me?) for winning this prize every time he plays?  Well, we can now all hate his son, Greg, as well.  And since I know the kid and have played golf with him, I’ve got a head start on all of you on this one.  Anyway, he shot a 1-under par, 71 beating out Mike Myles by a shot and will now be required to play 19 holes to our 18.  And kudos to Mike for shooting his all-time best score on the Key.

First Place, Low Net:  Goes to math wiz, Jay Flynn, who had the wrong total on his scorecard and was not even going to place in the money, when Phil Josephson (who helped with the scoring, thank you) recalculated his total and he won first place with a score of 69.5.  And, before you write in and say he should be disqualified for signing an incorrect score card, the USGA says as long as your individual holes are scored correctly, you can still be a lame-o and win (Rule 6:6, or John 3:16, or something like that).

Second Place, Low net:  Goes to Lee Smith.  Lee, no stranger to the winners circle, fired a net 70 for the day and took second place on a matching of the score cards against …

Third Place, Low Net:  winner Phil Josephson, who also had a net 70.  Congratulations to you all for some fine play.

Closest-to-the-pin honors this month went to:

Hole # 6:  Rodrigo Arboleda who put it 9’6” away.  I won’t mention if he made the putt or not, but let’s just say his strength is obviously in his iron play.

Hole #12:  The Dalai Lama, himself, Greg Huxman, who put it 2’4” from the cup.  (Note to Greg:  We think you should stay (and pay attention) in Mississippi State cuz it’s “Dalai” Lama, not “Dolly” Lama as you wrote on the card.  Geeze!

Long Drive on Hole #14 went to David Marshall, who either really tagged it or was the only one in the fairway cuz his was the only name on the card.  (But at least he spelled it right.)

This format was as close a match as you can get. All the net scores were in the 70’s (except for Jay’s 69.5).  As a matter of fact, the only one who did not care for the format was Jaime Moreno, who shot the round of his life (84, net 75) and didn’t win anything.  I know this cuz he whined about it all thru lunch.  (Note to Jaime:  Please excuse me but my give-a-damn is broken.)  But we do offer our congratulations on your career round.

And, as much as I’d like to stop writing … we need an award for this month.  Let’s see … hmmmm … I got it!

This month’s newly created, yet highly coveted “Where’s Our Dick?” award goes to fellow member, Dick McCroskey, who, for the umpteenth time, did not turn in his card.  (Note to Dick:  You can run, but you cannot hide).  We’re guessing he didn’t score particularly well, but come on, Dick!!!  Tom Halley is waiting for a true challenger!

Now, that’s it.  Next tournament is June 25th.  See you there!

Sincerely,

Bill Hayes

El Presidente Jedi Warrior