February 2008 Tournament Results:

Gentlemen,

As always, a sincere thank you to our sponsors for their continued support. We have a new one coming up but I’ll talk about that in a future announcement.
So for now, on with the show.

I’m a bit disappointed that we don’t have the pictures from this month’s luncheon cuz the beer girls were smokin’ hot. What was it? … Schmucker’s beer?

The format this month was Match Play vs. Par where your only opponent is “Old Man Par” himself. If you get a net par on your first hole, the score is all square. If you card a net birdie on your next hole you go 1-up. Score worse than a net par and you lose the hole. So you pretty much have to beat the course.

Finishing first by beating “Old Man Par” by 6 holes was “Old Man Freedman”. David, who always seems to find a way to win, despite my lowering his handicap, has made quite an impression in the golf world. Announcers are now referring to Tiger Woods as “the David Freedman of the PGA Tour”.

Always sniffing around the lead like a dog tugging at your pant leg (what?) and placing second this month was “the New Cory Pavin”, Jaime Moreno who was 4-up vs. par.
Taking third place was Jorge Dighero who was 2-up after his round. Jorge, who is one of the nicest guys I’ve ever met, will now be referred to as “the Joey Sindelar of the KBMGA”.

Closest-to-the-pin honors this month went to:

Hole #6: Roger Huxman, “the Tiger Woods of the Association” put it 5’8” from the hole and drained his putt for the bird (natch).

Hole #12: Sticking it 3’11” from the pin was Ron Weinstein who also made his birdie putt, which gave him a 1 on that hole for his Sterling Cup score. He received a bottle of red wine for his feat so instead of calling him Ron Weinstein, we’ll now refer to him as Red Winestain.
I went up to Ron at breakfast and did my impersonation of him trying to negotiate a few more strokes for the day by saying, “But Bill, I’m old, I’m sick and my game sucks.” His response? “So wadda ya want, I’m old, I’m sick and my game sucks!”
Long drive on hole #14 went to Roger Huxman, “the Julio Gallo of Golf”, since a bottle of red is the prize for the specialty holes. He is well on his way to having the largest wine cellar in Pinecrest.

And finally to this month’s, Newly Created Yet Highly Coveted, “Where Are They Now” award, goes out to a few master illusionist members who have pulled a disappearing act for the last few months, starting with:

Neil Christian: Neil, we miss you. We need you. We’re getting tired of Roger.
Joe Corderi: Just don’t shake my hand, Mr. Vise Grip.
Jay Flynn: On second thought … never mind about Jay.
Bobby Gusman: Bobby, we know you hate Phil but we love you.
Greg Huxman: (see Neil Christiansen AND Jay Flynn, above.)
The Esquisitos: Not that we need any more Latino blood but we miss you guys.
Joe Miles: Joe, if you come back I promise we’ll get in the “Pink Ball” tournament.
Alan Neufeld: Just don’t bring Ned.
Darrell Palmer: Darrell, I need a drinking partner.
Gregory Stula: Greg(ory), you’re the only Holy Cross alum we have in the association. Ya gotta represent.

Al Switzer: Al, you’re the only black member we have so I don’t think you can legally leave the association without a replacement. Although, I hear O.J. is available (temporarily).
George Thibault: Although, we do have another Frenchman in Patrick Simpson-Jones so I guess we don’t really need you.

And finally, Me: I haven’t played since the October tourney due to a nagging wrist surgery recovery that is dragging on way longer than it should. Although, come to think about it, I don’t think anybody misses me.

See you (sooner of later) on the course.

Sincerely,
Bill Hayes
El Presidente Absentio